Savage Scavenge (MaryJanice Davidson in Charming the Snake) – Chapter Eleven

Gladys is at home and brushes her teeth, when she hears a noise in the living room. Being used to people crashing through her patio doors, she doesn’t freak, but just goes to look who it is. You’ve probably guessed it – yes, it’s Jaz and Jody. They are disoriented by the beaming.

Jody warns Gladys that Jaz will be throwing up shortly and disappears again. Gladys gets Jaz into the bathroom.

“So anyway… I thought… after I talked to Jody… don’t worry, she’s very… discreet…” All said between heaves. Gladys had never seen someone try to puke and have a conversation at the same time. [And for a good reason. Nobody should do that. That’s fucking bad.] It was grisly, yet fascinating. [wordless shudder] Like an audit. [I’ve never seen any audit, where someone threw up.] “Anyway, I thought… I thought we could… talk. About the…”

Gladys tells him to shut it, and I’ve never been so grateful for a fictional character stopping another fictional character from doing anything.

When he’s done, they go back in the living room and Gladys takes off his boots. [That can’t smell good…] They talk.

Gladys sat down beside him on the couch and patted his damp hand.
“How sweet. All that vomiting, just for me.” [I don’t want nobody vomiting for me. That’s just gross]
“I was a dick.” [Why is he apologising? I’m totally on his side in this case. Totally.]
“Yes, you were.”
“I shouldn’t have reacted like that.” [Angry and upset that she tried to get pregnant with your sperm, without telling you about it? Of course you should have reacted like that.]
“No, you shouldn’t.”
“And you shouldn’t have tricked me.” [Exactly.]
Gladys thoughtfully bit her lower lip. “Well…” [Oh, come on… Don’t tell me you think that that was a perfectly sound way to go about getting pregnant?]
“Gladys!” he groaned. “Give me a little something. Anything.”

Finally, they reach a conclusion.

Gladys smiled a little. “I admit, I was surprised you were so angry. And sad you were so angry.” [Surprised??? Hell, have you ever had contact with another Human being? Or a mute?]
“Look, it’s going to take some getting used to, okay? I mean, twelve hours ago, I only knew you by reputation. [But now I’m almost ready to have your child. Give me another hour or so and we can talk pension plan.] (…)
“– but if it turns out you’re not pregnant, I don’t want you running around looking for some other guy to seduce. I want to help you, okay? Not some dildo-brain [What kind of insult is that?] from A-Block or whoever you were going to pick.”

Let me recap: They’ve known each other for twelve hours, both tricking each other into things they didn’t want to do, which makes for a great trust base, they have no idea, who the other person is, he’s already jealous of her and she was already sad because of him. But they still want to have a baby together and that’s portrayed as a good thing??? I’m seriously speechless.

“You know,” she said, “you really could have taken the bus.”
“Tell me.”
But I’m so glad you didn’t. She was grinning ear-to-ear; it felt like Christmas and her birthday rolled into one. Sure, they had about a thousand hurdles to clear, but him being here with her was a grand start. [Yeah, it should be a start and not the middle of a relationship.]
He flopped down on her bed, then rolled over to look at her. “What’s the plan if you’re not pregnant?”
“You know what they say.” She smiled at him, and his eyes actually lightened as she watched, got brighter as he smiled back. [Rudolph, the red-eyed reindeer, had some very shiny eyes…] “Practice makes perfect.” [Sorry to ruin your moment guys, but he just vomited and hasn’t brushed his teeth yet and that is everything, but not sexy. Yuck, yuck, yuck.]

THE END.

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