Womb for Rent (Amanda Brian) – Chapter Six

Chapter Six brings us THE SEX.

Derek and Talli go to the living room where Derek fixes himself a drink and asks Talli how she liked the evening (as if her constants outbursts of joy during the auction because of all the cute animals weren’t enough of a hint).

Derek closed his eyes, imagining what it would be like to be held in Talli’s soft arms.  Her fingertips caressed his skin as she had with the animals on display tonight.  He groaned inwardly [How does that work, I wonder.] and pushed himself away from the bar.  He crossed the room and moved to sit beside her.

I’m telling you, this worries me a little. I’m pretty open concerning fetishes and sexual practices but bringing animals into it just isn’t my thing.

After some awkward talk, finally, there’s some decision:

“Talli, would you feel more comfortable if I took the lead?”Derek asked softly.
Talli sighed in relief.  “Definitely”
“I was afraid of that,”Derek mumbled to himself. [Why? If you don’t like it, why do you propose it?]
“Pardon me?” Talli leaned forward to catch his words.
Derek watched her move toward him.  The front of her gown gaped as she shifted closer.  He found his gaze drawn to the creamy mounds of flesh that threatened to tumble forth.  Much to his own surprise, he could feel his stomach tighten at the thought of having her in his bed.  Under him, as he pressed into her willing flesh. 

I will found the Society Against Euphemisms. Care to join me? Creamy mounds… willing flesh… [At least, there’s no throbbing member.] What’s so bad about the words breasts and pussy? If you are not willing to write (or even think) words like pussy, dick and so on, then don’t write sex scenes featuring them. You can just blend out before the sex actually happens and nobody will think less of you. A novel doesn’t have to feature sex scenes. But when there are sex scenes, I want them written without false shame. (For good sex scenes refer to American Psycho [before it gets gory] or House of Leaves.)

His hands slid up her arms and he pushed the black wispy shawl off her shoulders to float silently to the patterned carpet below.

When you write that you do something to do something else, like you push off the shawl to float, it does NOT mean that you push off the shawl because you are undressing the girl and the shawl floats to the floor. It means that you are pushing the shawl off so that you may float.
[If my not being an English native speaker somehow made me misunderstand, I apologise. But if not, all I can say is: “Shame on you, Ms. Brian, because you are a native!”]

His tongue sent shivers of desire racing through her.  Talli felt her knees weaken with the intensity of their passion.  Her heart beat wildly, as a shiver of wanting coursed through her.  With shaky hands, Talli fumbled to undo the buttons of Derek’s shirt, eager to touch the warm flesh hidden within.

A shiver of desire, then a shiver of wanting… no wonder the poor girl has shaky hands! Imagine how she most tremble – in two different rythms. It must be like shaking from pneumonia and from the common cold at the same time…
Wait, this is a sex scene. So, I guess it is supposed to be sexy. Scratch my inconsiderate association with sicknesses.
At this point, the couple gets interrupted.

What could possibly interrupt them in the course of this feverish spasms, I hear you asking. Well, a call of the President, of course. No, I’m not kidding.
THE President of the US of A calls Derek at about 11 pm. Why, I wonder, as Derek is head of a company, that spends it’s time merging with other companies (at least from the description available from the book). A company that can still be run by one single person can not possibly be big enough to warrant that much attention, can it?

Anyway, Talli leaves us with a baseball analogy as Derek hurries away.

“Bottom of the first, bases loaded, the batter steps up to the plate and strikes out.  Story of my life.”

That is so bad.

The next morning, Talli finds red roses, an apology and an explanation: “Talli, I have to make an emergency presentation before Congress.  Please forgive my not saying goodbye in person.  See you soon.  Derek” [And you want to tell me, that this is still business? No shit?]

An emergency presentation. I guess that happens pretty often in Congress. And it’s also a pretty long one for he has to stay for a week.

Obviously nothing happens in Talli’s life because we jump right to the day Derek comes back. Talli gets an idea, (a) mischievous look came into her eyes, as a shiver danced crazily down her spine at the mere thought. [Again with the shivers… the poor girl. Shivering all the time is not really nice. Maybe she should check if she’s spastic…]

She asks Joseph if she could ride with him to the airport. He agrees. Maimie noticed the mischievous look in her eyes, and probably also the shiver and warns Joseph that something is going on.

In the limousine, Talli felt a shudder involuntarily run through her.  [You see, there it is again.] They arrive at the airport and Derek gets in with two gentlemen in tow, Grant Holden and Gary Marsh. He’s as surprised to see Talli as she is to see he’s not alone.

They decide to go to dinner together. Talli would like to refuse but doesn’t know how to say so, so she tags along. Once at the fancy restaurant:

The hostess stood expectantly, as Derek moved to slide Talli’s coat from her shoulders.  She pulled the coat tighter to her and shook her head.  “No thanks, I’ll keep it on.  I’m ah…I’m a bit chilly tonight.”

So, she wears a coat [a rain coat to be precise] she doesn’t want to take off. Guess what’s coming next! And yes, if you just said “some serious case of flashing”, you’ve won a free I-Pod. Just send me your credit card information to bookb.tching at gmail.com.

Talli goes to the bathroom and Derek follows her to see if she’s alright. She comes out of the bathroom and

Derek watched her fingers tremble [Again!] as she undid the belt, his gaze locked on her hands.
Talli took a deep breath and held the coat open wide, allowing Derek an intimate view of what was underneath.
His breath caught in his throat.  Talli stood before him, scantily clad in a black bustier and black silk panties.  Her long legs were encased in black matching nylons, the tops held up by a lace garter belt.  His eyes widened at the vision in front of him, then he lowered his gaze to take in her entire body.
“What is this?” he croaked, his voice sounding very bullfrogish. [If you don’t know, you’re probably not the right person to get this show.]
“I believe it’s satin and lace,” Talli answered slowly(…) [That is the first joke in this book that actually made me laugh. Maybe you just need to tell me enough bad jokes so I start to laugh out of pure desparation.]

Derek is impressed that somebody wants to seduce him not the other way round, so he cancels the dinner [because something came up. Double entendre, anyone? And believe it or not, AB actually knew it was…]. They get into the limousine and now, THE REAL SEX starts.

After some shivering, Talli tells Derek that “I’ve never done this before.  I’m not really sure how to proceed.” And Derek doesn’t even bother to ask what she’s never done before:  Have sex? Seduce a guy? A fuck in a limousine? What? I guess, we’ll never know.

Her nipples strained, yearning to be released from their confines, eager for his caress.

Goddammit, do her nipples have a life of their own? They strain, yearn and are eager… this is so creepy! I understand why she has them confined…

Her head lolled back on her shoulders as she felt Derek’s mouth trail down the hollow of her throat.  Her hands clenched his bare shoulders, the flesh hot and hard [The flesh of his shoulders?] beneath her hold.  Her senses reeled, as shivers [Here we are again.] of delight followed his lips.
“Yes, Derek, please.” Her last words were smothered by his lips.

Yes, Derek, please? This sounds like more of an answer to the question if she would like some more tea while her mother-in-law is there, not like some passionate whispering. No wonder he rather shuts her up by kissing her.

His mouth seared a path down her neck – Ouch! Get away from me with your scorching mouth, get away!

Through the dim glow of the lights beyond the windows, Talli could see the passion in Derek’s eyes as they darkened in intensity.  She held his smoldering gaze. [Now his gaze is smoldering as well, not only his mouth? I’m reminded of the Human Torch.]

Now, Derek’s eyes are ebony (we’ve already been through this, I know) – how could they possibly get darker? And I have never seen eyes getting darker just like that without the help of contact lenses. If you have, please let me know how it’s done! Do they get lighter as well?

(…) the sensations causing her to arch in abandon under him.
Arch in Abandon – that sounds like a great place in a melodramatic fantasy novel… I think this will keep me chuckling all day long. By the way, it’s pretty hard to arch in abandon under a guy who’s likely twice your size and weight. Gotta honour the strength involved here.

Derek pressed his mouth to the black lace, feeling the pebbled bud trapped [Sorry, what?], hidden inside.  His tongue slid under the edge of the bustier, teasing her nipple with tantalizing possessiveness. [Since when is possessiveness tantalizing? Does she know the meaning of tantalizing? I kind of doubt it…]
Talli closed her eyes in ecstasy as his mouth claimed her breast.

What I’m seeing now, is Derek whipping out a flag with is business logo and sticking it to her breast. Kind of like they did with the moon, which is also a creamy mound.

His arousal pressed intimately against the vee of her legs. – Wow, the arousal, which is a pretty abstract concept in itself, get’s rather active here. Go arousal! I guess.
And the vee of her legs? Come on! Get going here, vee. Don’t let the arousal do everything!

Slowly, she lowered herself downward, impaling him within her.
Hang on a bit… I either misunderstood the concept of impaling or the concept of sex. He can impale her with his dick [which, by the way, is not the best of analogies] but how can she impale him within her? I think this sentence will give me nightmares for the next weeks.

Time ceased to exist for the pair, enveloped in passion.  [Can there be any more kitsch in one single sentence?]  

When time starts to exist again, they are home. Talli gathers up her raincoat and leaves.  

Once again, she had left him utterly speechless.  Worse yet, he had broken his own vow to remain impassive to her.

So, we can hope that a lot of things will happen in chapter seven.



2 Responses

  1. […] I always have to think about Vlad Tepes – not sexy. But at least she’s impaling herself and not impaling him within her], sliding down with delicious friction. “Oh, my Gaaaaawwwddd ” was the most he could contribute […]

  2. […] in the back of her throat… she made him feel like a conqueror. [And we’re one step away from him claiming her body as his own.] “I’m going to savor every inch of you, taste and sample your face, shoulders, arms…” […]

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